It feels like it has been forever, my Lovebug, of our love freely given.

    We are the forest, ever branching. Each moment we walk hand in hand sprouts a new seed, a new branch, a new tree. Sometimes we stroll, or skip, or run among these interlocking woods, towards our futures.

    Our futures of healing. Our futures of enjoying Nature’s gifts. Our futures of our home and our children and our pets. Our futures of love and friendship and intimacy and compassion, of embarking on new adventures and growing old together, of happiness and success.

    It is so close, yet so far.

    It’s a little daunting, gazing out unto this endless jungle, the ocean of Earth’s beauty. But you guide me, and at times, I guide you. When it is dark, and we do not see the paths, we forge a new one. When it is light, we treasure each other’s faces and dance along our journey. I happily walk our lives, for I am with you.

    I am so thankful to have found you, and so grateful that you have found me. That among all of Earth’s inhabitants, we befriended and loved each other. That I found within you an expanding heart, one that I could heal and continue to heal of its wounds, and an understanding soul. That you found within me a darkness and insecurity that would otherwise crush me, and have pushed almost out of existence. Your soul meets mine in a lifelong song and dance, swirling throughout space and time in a harmony that brings tears to my eyes. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li, and I love you so much.

    I have written this, so that it shall be. I must not fear the world and its people. I must not fear those who won’t believe, or those who turn the eye against us. I believe in us, and you believe in us, and that is what matters.

YHVH li, v’lo ira.

“Man oh man you’re my best friend,
I’ll scream it to the nothingness
There ain’t nothing that I need…

Laugh until we think we’ll die,
Barefoot on a summer night,
Never could be sweeter than with you.
And in the streets you run a-free,
Like it’s only you and me,
Geez, you’re something to see.

Ah home, let me come home,
Home is wherever I’m with you.
Ah home, yes I am home,
Home is wherever I’m with you.”
            -Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

    Everyday, love, everyday.

    Helium’s two protons.

    Let’s be free.

    You, me.

    Us, together.

Always.

    A venture into the ocean at night.

    I come across her lying on the sand, beneath the sheltering beauty of the corals, peering up at the alien creature gazing upon her.

    I slowly sink onto the sand, observing her: her features, her expressions, her form. She is a Hawksbill sea turtle, one of the seven species of sea turtles in our world. As I regard her, she regards me: both patiently watching, silently determining, the purpose of the other.

    She had a look of eternal timelessness upon her face, of understanding pain, sacrifice, and loneliness. Within her eyes, I saw intelligence, grace, beauty, and serenity. She conveyed a relation, a compassion, a comfort, and an empathy.

    Her eyes bespoke of magic and spirit.

    She pushes off of the sand, swimming towards me. Thoughts flit through my mind: where is she going - should i move - should i stay - will i scare her - is she scared - what does she want - i should move. As her beak nears my stomach, I quickly but carefully move slightly out of the way, to allow her free passage to the ocean beyond. She swims back around, however, and stays by my side.

    It felt so unreal, so dream-like, a mere figment of my imagination. But it was real. It did happen.

    I reach my hand out, tentatively, and caress her shell. I chose not to touch her skin because there was fire coral on my gloves, and I did not want to accidentally hurt her. Seeing that she was still regarding me, allowing me to continue to be this close, to continue to be caressing her, I relaxed, simply enjoying this rare moment of two worlds interacting with one another.

    It was a message of respect and caring, from me to her, and from her to me.

    After too short of a lifetime, she slowly swims away, off into the ocean beyond. Later, as I was leaving her home, she swam by me again, as if to bid me a safe journey, as if to thank me for the time we spent together.

    This was so rare, so unbelievable. I have always loved sea turtles, and so, of course, the being I wanted to see most during this trip was the sea turtle, and she answered my call, my desire. To have been given the opportunity to not only watch her, but to touch her, was a fortune in and of itself.

    I can’t believe this…

I felt a love across worlds.

“And I feel,
All the faint morning light,
Filled with hope ‘cause you’re here in my life,
And we’ve gone,
From the edge of our souls,
Made it back to a place we call home.

You, see me through,
I was alone in the dark and the fear was my truth.

Yeah, all the things that you are,
Beautifully broken, alive in my heart,
And know that you are everything,
Let your heart sing and tonight, we light up the stars,
All that you are.”

                       -All That You Are by Goo Goo Dolls

    A year passes by so fast. A year full of laughter, of mindless bickering, of tears, of joy, of dancing, of sleeping, of truth, of passion, of misunderstandings, of reassured insecurities, of singing, of creating, of happiness, of love.

    There is so much to say, yet nothing at all. Words have no meanings, meanings have no words. You are beautiful, in the deepest sense of the word. All that you are.

    “You engage all parts of me.”

    Take me, love. Take me on this journey, to feelings unknown, to places unheard of. Take me blind with the thrill of having you by my side.

I am yours, true and complete.

    Warm sand shifts beneath my sinking feet as I walk towards the sounds of seagulls and crashing waves. The sweet, salty scent envelops me and fills my breath with joy. As I saunter forward, feeling ancient, long-forgotten stories in the form of seashells bumping into my body, I slip into the warm embrace of my long-lost friend.

    And I enter a completely different universe from that I normally walk.

    My hair floats about my head, and the Ocean’s caress gives me a freedom of movement that I could never have with the Earth’s selfish pull. I float, swim, spin, and fly within this new realm. The whole of my body rejoices with each maneuver.

    I see an endless expanse of blue, varying in shades as the sun’s rays disappear into its depths.

    I see a world full of creatures, each more beautiful, each weirder, than the last. A forest of corals and plants. A multitude of colors within this infinite blue.

    I feel the Ocean begging me to stay, to explore this strange but comforting world: there is so much to see, to feel, to touch.

    And I need to feel the Ocean: its power, its force coursing through my veins. Its cooling currents and passionate heat. Its eternal love and constant, new life.

    But the Earth pulls me back, to its fresh air, green trees, and soaring mountains. To its sands, dirt, grass, and ice. To the warmth of the sun and the light of the moon.

    But I do not despair, for I am a being of the Earth, the Sky, and the Ocean:

    The Earth is my body.

    The Sky is my soul.

The Ocean is my heart and my mind.

    Breathe in.

    Warm body against mine, honeybees among the flowers, frantic footsteps to campus, dancing shadows of branches, mating calls of doves, a baby’s laughter, a light downpour, piercing sunlight, scampering squirrels, cars, clouds, dogs, pebbles, ringtones, grass, earth, sky, wind…

    Breathe out.

    My eyes. Your eyes.

    Our eyes.

    Harmony between mind, body, and soul.

    “I salute the light within your eyes where the whole universe dwells. For when you are at that center within you and I am at that place within me, we shall be one.”                  —-Chief Crazy Horse, Oglala Sioux, 1877

    The Universe is in me, and the Universe is in you.

Namaste.

    I have a dream.

    A dream of wild abandon, of sheer exhilaration, of pure joy.

    I dream of running free.

    Of feeling the soft, luscious grass part under my bare feet.

    Of startling a flock of doves into the air, scattering past me, cooing angrily, to take shelter in the trees.

    Of feeling the wind course swiftly through my hair and whistle by my ears.

    Of flying so far and so fast that I drop into the grass, rolling and laughing, until I land on my back.

    And on my back I would look up at the clear blue sky, watching the clouds lazily drift across it, while my chest expands furiously and my heart pumps frantically to bring back the body I had left behind.

    That windy vortex world would become one almost void of sound, as if the world had stood still, in awe, as I passed it by.

    Utter silence.

    But then the grass would rustle, the trees would whisper, and the Earth would become alive again.

    This is what I need to feel.

I want to be One with nature.

It is beautiful:

     The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
     You left me in the dark
     No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
     In the shadow of your heart

     I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
     And knew that somehow I could find my way back
     Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
     So I stayed in the darkness with you

                     -Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine

    The powerful crescendos of the melody pound through the body, and resonate through the soul.

    It is the imagery of exploding stars. The stardust tumbling through space and time, colliding with one another, to create form and being.

    To create the earth, the water, the plants, the animals.

   “Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded…you couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded. Because the elements, the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars.”
                      -Lawrence M. Krauss

We are all stardust.

A Manifesto of my Beliefs.

    We don’t have words to describe a divine force that is neither masculine nor feminine…so to address this divine force as one or the other is only fitting as humans with a limiting view and understanding.

    As long as your beliefs/religion do not harm anyone or anything (in physical, emotional, or mental aspects) and somehow inspire you to become better as a being living on this earth, I respect, admire, and promote your beliefs/religion.

    There is no one true path in a spiritual journey.

    If your beliefs/religion harm anyone or anything, and do not make you better as a being living on this earth, then I do not respect, admire, or promote your beliefs/religion. I do, however, not judge you for your beliefs/religion, for there are reasons that you are both aware and unaware of that are the cause for you believing the way that you do. It is not my place or my role in life to judge or condemn you.

    On the question of immanence and transcendence:

• Immanence is the concept that the divine force is present within, in between, and around you and other objects, beings, and creatures on this earth. The omnipresence of divinity or divine essence.
• Transcendence is the concept that the divine force is outside of and beyond the world we interact with, with our senses. This divine force created this world that we interact with.

    As of now, I believe more in the concept of immanence than transcendence. However, as human beings, we may not understand that these seemingly paradoxical concepts can exist in a divine force. Therefore, I am open to the idea that the divine force is both immanent and transcendent.

    My beliefs should calm me, and make my soul feel at peace. Beliefs should make me feel hopeful, and confident in my abilities and in the world.

    I do not believe in the concept of sin as a detrimental force on the soul. However, good deeds cannot be defined as good without the comparison to bad deeds or sins. I believe in the concept of the spiritual ladder: the idea that the more good things we do, that the more we adhere to our spiritual/religious beliefs or teachings, the higher up we climb on the spiritual ladder towards divinity or higher spiritual attainment. I do not think lesser of people who are lower on the ladder.

    There are so many things, concepts, ideas, and creatures in this world that we know of, but yet there are so many things, concepts, ideas, and creatures that we do not know of, and will or may not discover in the future. Religion and spirituality may explain what we don’t understand. Religion and spirituality can give us glimpses into the beauty of the world. Things not yet explainable by science. Things that may never be explainable by science.

    Fate. I have not yet determined my viewpoints on the matter. I feel that we, as creatures, have free will and make choices in our lives. Some aspects in life are too coincidental, too amazing, to have been done without some aspect of divine force, without some semblance of fate, the concept that it was meant to be. I feel that sometimes we only see fate as something you look back on, as a way of explaining the present and possible future.   

    I believe in the right to love and be with the people I love, and who love me, who want to accompany me on my life’s and soul’s journey.

    The divine force, the Universe, God, animals, the Earth, the plants, the water, the atoms, and we the humans are One. Energy drives us. The world is chaotic and should not exist based on the laws of entropy and mass. However, it does, which makes me believe that there is that divine force at work. A butterfly flapping its wings in Mexico has an effect on the air I breathe here in Austin, and my carbon dioxide output has an effect on global warming.

It is all just One.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

                         -Dr. Seuss

    I am overwhelmed by a sense of peace and calmness.

    I am disoriented by this lack of time.

    I am euphoric but calm, moving but still.

    I am That.

Soham.

“There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.”

                                  -Dr. Manhattan (Alan Moore in Watchmen)

Such a feel-good song:

    Now I’m not a highly metaphysical man
    But I know when the stars are aligned
    You can bump into a person in the middle of the road
    Look into their eyes and you suddenly know
    Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
    Dancing in the night in the middle of June
    My Momma told me don’t lose you
    ‘cause the best luck I had was you

    I say hey, I be gone today
    But I be back around the way
    Seems like everywhere I go
    The more I see, the less I know
    But I know one thing, that I love you
    I love you, I love you, I love you
                -Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead

    Smile.

    Hug someone you care about.

    Sing and dance whenever you feel like it.

    Laugh and live.   

Be happy.

    Why?

    I could spend my whole life logically looking at the world around me.

    I could spend my whole life logically learning.

    I could spend my whole life logically searching for answers.

    But in the end, it will just come down to the senses: what I see, what I hear, what I feel, what I smell, and what I taste. It will come down to these imperfect human perceptions and how I connect them to form beliefs.

    Even then, they only show me a small grain of truth. Who am I to put my ideas above yours? Who are you to put your ideas above mine? Are we not all on some quest for some type of fulfillment, whether it be love, spirituality, or power? Why can we not co-exist in peace, believing what I believe, and what you believe, as long as my beliefs and your beliefs do not emotionally, physically, or mentally harm the other?

    The world is too much, yet not enough.

Will I ever truly believe?